We celebrated Hubby’s birthday at a double bash with Uncle B. a couple of weeks ago but I thought I’d do something special today too.  So in honor of the day an idea I borrowed from somewhere.

I like you because…

1. you are the only person I know that ever requests a lemon cake for his birthday.

2. you are thoughtful.

3. you are kind.

4. you are compassionate.

5. “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” seems to be your personal motto.

6. when I am standing on the ground you are the perfect height for hugging.

7. when I am standing on a step you are the perfect height for kissing.

8. you intentionally only own or rent video games that are kid appropriate.

9. you make me feel safe.

10. you understand my jokes and 

11. you think they are funny… mostly.

12. you opinions are always honest and

13. they are tactfully given … mostly.

14. you play the guitar.

15. you started learning to play my favorite Alison Kraus song a few days after I mentioned that would be nice.

16. you are the one I think of as you play it.

17. you are tackling Chopin on the piano.

18. you bring me chocolate on Fridays.

19. your propensity for loyalty has gotten a diner special named after you.

20. you take care of things like life insurance and retirement investing and such.

21. you get along with my parents.

22. you have taught me much about patience and

23. slowing down and

24. living simply even as

25. you go to a busy corporate world each day just to provide for us.

26. blue is your favorite color and I think that says something about your peaceful nature.

27. you know how to listen.

28. you are quixotic.

29. you are an HSP and you have taught me how to recognize and accomodate that trait in others (especially our daughter).

30.  you won’t mind that this post is a day late.

now, a six days later, Will’s flowers are even more so and there are still two more buds waiting to open.  I don’t even know how to describe the fragrance.  It wisps throughout the whole downstairs and catches your nose at the most unexpected moments.  It  makes me smile each time and I must confess my mouth is starting to hurt.

• For our anniversary date, Will and I drove all around Tulsa spewing carbon into the air, looking at way too big houses and talking about how “green” we are… ’cause we’re so consistent like that.
• While driving around the downtown area we saw a fox… let me repeat that for clarity - downtown!  A little dose of reality for any of you that thought Tulsa was “urban”. 
• We found a Farmer’s Market that runs from 4 to 8 each Thursday (around 6th & Peoria) and while visiting that discovered Centenial Park.  It’s gorgeous!  Besides scads of trees that are fully grown and even more that were recently planted there is an enormous pond with three fountains.  It is sunken down quite a way with canyon-like walls constructed of beautiful Tulsa stone.  The layout of the paths allows you to either walk around the rim of this canyon or descend and follow the perimeter of the pond.  Imagine our surprise when we discovered it’s very utiliarian function.  It is a drainage ditch.  You know, one of those ugly city “rivers” you usually see with sloped cement sides (If you need more imagery think of the car race in “Grease”)  Anyway, I was so pleased to see how Tulsa Parks has so creatively enhanced what could have been a tremendous eyesore that most people will never divine it’s purpose without being told.

For purposes of debt reduction, our dates have become less frequent than they used to be but are somehow more precious because of that.  The value of uninterrupted discussion in a family with little ones cannot be measured.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

from “Through The Looking Glass”

Tonight, Will got the drop on me.  He called ahead to say he was on his way home from a certain location   More than a little disheveled from the day’s activities, I decided to pop our dinner in the oven and hop into the shower before he arrived.  (Hmm, Hop n Pop - isn’t that a Dr. Suess title?  It bothers me only a bit not at all that I know this useless extremely valuable mommy trivia.)  Anyway, knowing our city as I do I calculated how long it would take hubby to get from point A to point B and deduced there was just enough time for the aforementioned hop n pop.  That is to say there would have been enough time if indeed he had been at point A when he called.  In fact, he came waltzing in from some other mysterious point.  Let’s call it point F as in florist or flowers or … completely forgiven for his little white lie regarding location. 

Will and I have been friends almost 13 years.  As of tomorrow we will have been married for 9 of them.  It is a great gift to marry your best friend.  Oh, look.  “F” as in friend.

I had thought to post about how fabulous Mother’s Day was around here but decided against it because I didn’t want to be the cause of envy among the masses.  I mean, I’m sure your Mother’s Day was nice but how could it possibly beat waking up to find most of your “To Do” list done?  What could be better than having hubby hang out with you all day continually repeating, “Whatever you want, babe”?  And if your day didn’t end with the best foot rub/conversation combo ever then how could I, in good conscience brag about how mine did?  So, I just decided to keep quiet.

Happy Day After Mother’s Day!

I do and I simply must share this one because it made me laugh out loud at its truth.

About this time last week, Will announced that he would be going to Gate for the weekend to visit his Grandmother.  She is on the mend from some illness and he hadn’t visited in a while.  We talked about whether or not Sister should accompany him and decided against it.  We talked about whether or not it made sense for him to return home after work that day instead of just heading on out.  It didn’t.  Then I reminded him we had visitors coming for dinner (That’s dinner/supper not dinner/lunch just for clarification.) on Sunday so he must - absolutely must - be back by noon (not 1 or 2:15 or 3:21 but noon) that day because I would neeeeed help with some last minute preparations.  He agreed.  So last Friday morning, the children and I waved goodbye to Will for the weekend; secure in the knowledge that we would see him again… by noon… on Sunday.

***Skip ahead to around 7am Sunday morning.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”  (I don’t answer my phone this way for just anyone.  Like most people nowadays, I have caller ID.)

“Hey, baby, I just wanted to let you know I’m heading out the door….”

“Great!”

“…and the trip takes a little longer than I remembered so it’ll be more like one before I get there.”

(pause for the sound of harsh words being swallowed) “That’s okay.  We’ll see you then.”

***Skip ahead to around noon Sunday.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”

“Uhm, hey.”  (pause)  “I was thinking I better drop through to see my Dad for a little bit since it’s on the way and all.”

“Oh, so we won’t see you until what?  4?.”

“I’m hoping it won’t take that long.”

“Right.  We’ll see you around 4.”

“Thanks.”

I am not telling you all of this to embarass my husband or to supply you with yet another example of “male-ness.”  Quite the opposite really because what happened last weekend is not nearly so important as what happened during the week that followed.  You see life will happen.  Things will come up and regardless of how much you want your spouse to be perfect they will fail and you will have a choice.  Berate them for the dissappointment or smile and say, “that’s okay.”  I am not always so forgiving but this time I made the latter choice and for my trouble got an apologetic foot rub every night this week.  As a result, I am loving my husband now more than ever.

I can hear you out there, “But Toni, my husband would never do that.  He would just take advantage of my generosity.”  And my answer to that is, “How do you know?”  Have you ever really kept your mouth shut?  Or do you keep your words in while screaming at him in body language?  I’m not implying that this will be successful the first time you try it.  If you have been a nagging hag for many years it will take considerably longer to turn the tide of affection.  But it can be turned.  Your husband wants to provide for you.  He wants you to be happy.  But every time you choose to focus on his faults instead of prasing him for his contributions you push him further away from his goal.  Eventually he is so far away that he knows he can never please you and he gives up.

I don’t know who this post is for but I felt compelled to write it today.  Just as I feel compelled to share these words from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13)

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Don’t wait around for your spouse to make the first move.  Be patient, be kind.  Do not be easily angered.  Quit keeping score.  Learn to trust.  Learn to hope.  Persevere in this and you will have your marriage back again.

A little before 8 this morning Brother woke me up to take him to “his” couch (i.e. our loveseat which was obviously designed especially for him alone given the fact that it is just the right size and positioned perfectly for watching television.)  Anyway, still somewhat in the midst of sleepyland I bumbled my way down the hall to deposit Brother in his spot.  It must have been the hour because I made the trek without noticing several indicators of a previous event.  I didn’t notice that Will wasn’t in bed.  I didn’t notice that a pillow was missing,  I didn’t notice that I wasn’t on my ’side’.  And most unusually, I didn’t notice the lump on the sofa that was my sleeping mate.  It wasn’t until later, as I was making the bed that a faint memory surfaced.

I kicked my husband out of bed this morning.  He got up for something (perhaps to refill Brother’s sippy cup?) and went to the restroom and was gone a looooong time.  (At least it felt long -  Of course, time works differently when you’re sleeping.)  And while he was gone, I kinda, sorta rolled over into his spot which was sooo cozy and warm.  And I kinda found his feather pillow and pulled it into the most perfect snuggle position.  And I stretched out my legs and just knew I was in heaven; probably because for the previous two hours I’d been the center of a boy sandwich which if you don’t know is where your husband and your son both decide they will be unable to sleep unless the whole of their bodies are completely smooshed up against your body.  As the center of this type of sandwich you are not allowed to move for fear of waking either side and so must lie with your arm under your head as your right ear slowly goes numb from the pressure and your hand cycles through numbness and tingling and finally no feeling at all while your eyes dart coveteously toward the COMPLETELY unoccupied queen bed only a foot away.  *sigh*

Was it any wonder I moved? And he was gone a long time.  The problem was:  he came back.  He came back and stood by the edge of the bed.  Was he coming to kiss me a gentle goodbye?  Was he smiling adoringly at the site of his wife and son so peaceful in their slumber?  No!  He was waiting.  I guess for me to move.  I opened one eye and mumbled, “I thought you were gone.”

“No,” he says and waits.

“Oh.  Well couldn’t you sleep somewhere else?”

I’m not certain what made me say that but it was amazingly effective.  He took a pillow and *poof* was gone.

In retrospect, given that he is the main sole breadwinner of the family and that he needs plenty of rest to do his job effectively, I kinda, sorta, shoulda been a little more giving….. maybe.

if everything happens that can’t be done

(and anything’s righter

than books

could plan)

the stupidest teacher will almost guess

(with a run

skip

around we go yes)

there’s nothing as something as one

one hasn’t a why or because or although

(and buds know better

than books

don’t grow)

one’s anything old being everything new

(with a what

which

around we go who)

one’s everyanything so

so world is a leaf is a tree is a bough

(and birds sing sweeter

than books

tell how)

so here is away and so your is a my

(with a down

up

around again fly)

forever was never till now

now i love you and you love me

(and books are shutter

than books

can be)

and deep in the high that does nothing but fall

(with a shout

each

around we go all)

there’s somebody calling who’s we

we’re everything brighter than even the sun

(we’re everything greater

than books

might mean)

we’re everyanything more than believe

(with a spin

leap

alive we’re alive)

we’re wonderful one times one

e.e. cummings

Any day that starts with your husband going out to get breakfast for you and coming back with these is bound to go well.  In case you can’t quite tell there are ten of them.  Today, ten years ago the love of my life proposed to me.  He asked in the middle of a crowded Border’s cafe (It was our favorite bookstore at the time.) and I said, “yes” to the cheers of the other patrons.  I suspected he was planning a Valentine’s proposal and he knew it; so that tricky boy popped the question two days early.  He surprised me then and he surprised me today.  The roses came with a day of pampering at a local salon & spa which I am soooo looking forward to.  But the best part of the surpise - Will took the day off just so we could be together.  He ran errands with me.  We went to a doctor appt together.  We did laundry and all the other little mundane tasks of my day.  It was perfect.

Guys don’t think you have to hang the moon to please your wife.  Sometimes it’d just be nice if you’d hang the laundry (or show some appreciation that she does).  And ladies, don’t let Hallmark and the jewelers and the florists trick you into thinking he who spends the most loves the most.  It’s not about the “stuff”.  It’s about relationship.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh!” he whispered.  “Yes, Piglet?”  “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.  “I just wanted to be sure of you.”  ~A.A. Milne