Here’s something completely weird about me.  I’m a stay-at-home mom. (That’s not the weird part.) I take care of my kids and my man and my home. (Nope, not that either.)  I have no desire whatsoever to work in corporate America, own my own business or even be a work from home person.  (Wait for it.) I don’t even want to sell the crafty things I make on Etsy.  But (This is it.) I am fascinated by business books and business people.  I’ve devoured resources like The Art of the Start & 4-Hour Work Week and I faithfully read every post Seth Godin writes.  I’m not sure what it was about business writing that drew me in the first time but now I seek it out intentionally because even though the concepts seem far from stay-at-home mommydom I always walk away with something I can use.  Today, I am reminded about the idea of “exit strategy.”

At worst, an exit strategy will save face; at best, an exit strategy will peg a withdrawal to the achievement of an objective worth more than the cost of continued involvement  (Wikipedia)

An exit strategy is beneficial for big things (business deals, buying a house) but what struck me this morning is that it’s good for parenting too.

Take this scenario:  You’re going to a nice restaurant with some single friends.  You know little one is tired because s/he missed a nap.  What are you going to do if the tantrum of the year happens in the middle of dinner?  Or if munchkin simply becomes too squirmy to allow reasonable conversation to continue?  At what point will you say to your friends, “You know, this isn’t working.”?  Or will you?   Often we get caught up in the momentum of the moment.  It seems impossible to escape with any dignity so we just grin and bear it but a clear exit strategy can provide a graceful out of a stressful situation.

Imagine a slightly different scenario:  You’re going to a nice restaurant with friends.  As soon as the greetings are over, you explain that little one missed his/her nap today and you’re not certain whether you’ll get to stay for the whole dinner.  The server arrives.  You place your order and ask for a “to go” box at the same time.  Mid-meal when munchkin is just beginning to get out of hand you scoop what remains of your dish into the box, pull out some cash (which you got ahead of time) from your purse and kindly ask your friend to pay your portion of the check with it.  You and your grumpy baby are out the door within 5 minutes and your friends can continue to have a stress free meal.

So that’s an “out and about” example.  What about at home?  There are several pre-prepared phrases I use to diffuse various situations.  “I don’t know.” and “I was wrong.” top the list.  Fortunately, I discovered the truth of these two powerful statements early on in my parenting adventure.  The Bible says, “the truth will set you free.”  and that’s exactly what these simple words do.  Unfortunately, many parents are afraid to use them.  They are afraid (I guess.) that saying they don’t know or admitting they were wrong will weaken their image as authority figure.  Perhaps, but my experience is that my children respect me all the more for my weaknesses because it makes me seem (as I am) human.  They make me approachable.  They help put my children and I on the same side.

Closely following “I don’t know” and “I was wrong” are “I need to think about it.”, “Please explain what you need/want/meant.  I’m not sure I understand.” and “I’m too angry/upset/distracted to discuss this right now.”  All of these phrases can provide some breathing room in the midst of potentially volatile parental situations and I use them them frequently.  They are words of release.  Allowing my world to move away from gridlock and toward solutions.  They are my exit strategy.

*from The Gambler by Kenny Rogers

Here’s an odd problem.  You know those cute shirts that have hoods attached.  They come in two varieties:  The kind zip that up the front and work more like a jacket and the kind that go over the head like a shirt.  They make a great Fall/Winter top.  Especially for a busy, little boy who might not have time to slip on his jacket before heading out into the cold.  Unfortunately, this second kind which goes on smoothly and works well to keep little ones warm has a serious flaw.  They are next to impossible to remove from said busy boy.  More than once I have started to pull one off only to have it get stuck at the point where Brother’s face is completely covered and his arms are pointing straight to the sky.  We pull and tug and Brother yells a muffled, “Help! Help! I stuck!”  After much ado, Brother always escapes but the whole scenario can be avoided with one simple trick.

Put the hood up first!

For more handy dandy tips click on over to Shannon’s place.

No, I don’t mean parking ON the sidewalk… that’s just silly.  I mean parking NEAR the sidewalk and for good reason.  Two young children getting out of the car in a crowded parking lot or on a busy street can be a very scary thing indeed. (to the mom… the children usually don’t care at all)  Sidewalk parking is my attempt at safety.  Most places have at least a few spots in front of the sidewalk.  Sometimes these parking spaces are not obvious.  They may be far from the door or even around the corner from your destination.  To me it doesn’t matter.  I park, remind the children to “go to the sidewalk”, then it’s a free-for all to see who can get there first.  Okay, not really.  Sister gets out and waits on the sidewalk while I help Brother.  Once we are all together again I let them run ahead to a specified point (you can go to the lightpole, or that red line, or the second bush or the door with the blue letters).  Not only do I not have to worry about them running out into the street; they get to release some extra energy before we enter a store.  This is especially helpful on days with many errands.  Sometimes it takes a little longer but overall there is less stress and that works for me.

 My kids are with me all day, every day, every season so “summer” boredom has a way of becoming all year boredom or at least it used to.  Free Stuff 4 Kids is one of my favorite resources for curing “But there’s nothing to do!!” syndrome.  And right now if you subscribe to her site you can download a free ebook with coloring pages, connect the dots, mazes and such.  It reminds me of the big, fat activity books my mom used to always get us for trips and since we plan on being in the car a lot over the next couple of weeks, I printed two copies and put them in some extra presentation folders I had lying around.

There are all sorts of places on the web where one can find activities for kids and I could spend my time looking for them but I like letting someone else do the work of gathering those resources into one place because spending more time playing with my children instead of spending time looking for things to play with my children works for me.

For more ideas all in one place check out this week’s “Mom, I’m Bored” Edition of Works for Me Wednesday.

Oh, and have you clicked on the Kid Pages in the sidebar?  That’s fun too.

Look what I awoke to this afternoon after a nap.  In case you can’t tell from the picture Sister has filled five bottles with varying amounts of water.  She runs in excitedly as I pull myself from slumberland.  “Look, look! They make different sounds!” I guess technically that should have been “Listen, listen.” but even so I know what you are thinking.

“That Sister is so incredibly clever and resourceful!” 

It’s not what you were thinking? 

Well, why not?!  She IS incredibly clever and resourceful! 

You were wondering how I got a nap? 

Oh.  Well, here’s the thing.  After reading this post over at GNM Parents about allowing your kids to fail I decided I was too much of a hover-er (I made that word up … I think.  If it’s a real word, then I so knew that.) so anyway I figured I better start letting them fail and get hurt and stuff so they could grow up and be contributing members of society and all that.  Problem is I can’t stand to see them fail or get hurt or disappointed.  I have found a solution though.  Now when it seems they are about to do something dangerous, like uhm, tie a firecracker to the tail of the cat or jump off the roof with a bedsheet, I call out, “Be Careful!”, give a big wave & smile and head in to take a nap.  That way they get their lesson and I don’t have to endure the consequences.  It’s working really well and I’m getting so much sleep I am almost caught up on lost time from the infant years.

I AM KIDDING!  But it was a really good article.  You should go read it.

Did you play?

…. uhm, did you play on time or were you a slacker like me I? (Just because I’m tardy doesn’t mean I have to use poor grammar.)

This post about how to cure colic just popped up in my Parent Hacks feed.  It isn’t a birth thing but it is a very important baby thing so I’m sharing it just the same.  There is many a parent who has spent sleepless nights and days listening to their crying child and wishing hopelessly for a cure.  Please pass this one to anyone with a young infant.  Oh, and if you don’t know what a Probiotic is go here for a quick explanation (Basically it’s good bacteria.)

Next week I’ll get back to sharing birth stories and such.  You can go here to read archived posts on this topic.

And just for fun this week:  go here to find out how popular those baby names you’re thinking of are and what they mean.

CAR

EDITION

When Sister was an infant she hated having her diaper changed in store bathrooms. Even when the facilites were nice and clean (which they mostly weren’t) the random loud flushing and hand drying of the other patrons bothered her.  So we tried to be at home for changes as much as possible and just did the best we could while out and about.  When Brother came along I was determined not have the same hassles so I created a diaper changing station in the trunk of my car and made a habit of changing him before we went into a store. This obviously did not work so well for the winter months or when it was raining but it was GREAT the rest of the time. To make it easy to switch vehicles and to keep everything from scattering all over the trunk, I kept my supplies (a stack of diapers, a box of pop-up wipes, rash cream & a single onesie) in a small open-topped canvas bag with handles. My changing mat was simply a folded blanket covered with a waterproof mattress pad.  Many a time we took the blanket out for a picnic and the mattress pad was handy to put under children in wet swimsuits. Another plus about changing in the trunk - the light fascinated Brother such that he would actually stay still for the change.

I know it may seem a bit odd and I got more than one inquiring stare from well-meaning bystanders but it worked for me.

We have a very small kitchen in the downstairs apartment of my mom’s house.  There is enough room for a table and two chairs but that table is often used as counter space.  Big meals are generally cooked upstairs in grandma’s kitchen where there is plenty of counter space and tables enough to seat 30.  But what about small meals? What about we’re only having a wee bit of cereal or PB&J or just a snack?  Then we eat in the living room.  But do you think I would release food into the hands two children under 6 and send them to the only room in my house with carpet?  No way! (okay, well sometimes but those are complete lapses of sanity.)  For the ultimate in carpet protection I introduce the ‘Splat Mat’.  It’s actually a cheapo mattress pad with waterproof backing on one side and cotton padding on the other.   Placed cotton side down, it will not slip around or bunch up, even under the most active toddler, and the top side is easily wiped clean of any random stickiness.  Placed cotton side up, you can be sure that spills of almost any magnitude will not make their way through to your precious Berber underneath.  (Disclaimer:  Let me not imply by this sentence that I actually have Berber carpet in my living room only that if a person were to have carpet installed in a living room, like if her husband were looking for a nice sort of gift to give said person and he thought of carpet then Berber might be a good choice for that situation……. ahem …. that’s all I’m sayin’.)  So about spills - case in point, I turned around from my typing to find this:

As far as I can tell, the driver of the orange truck lost control of his vehicle and slammed into Brother’s cereal bowl, knocking Fruit Loops everywhere…. except of course on my carpet.  It is fortunate indeed that we had the splat mat in place as the driver has no insurance.  He was, however; sent to his room for driving without a license.

Aaannyway, the Spurgeon family splat mat works for me.  Head on over to Shannon’s place for more great tips!

First, I want to assure you that the title of this post in no way implies that my children drink… I mean, of course they drink … what I mean to say is they don’t drink alcohol…  Except for the one or two or twenty times Brother’s sippy cup got lost and then found again after the contents had time to uh, ripen…. and that was accident I tell you, an accident … all twenty times.  I have developed such a case of lostacupaphobia that I literally cannot go to sleep at night until I know the whereabouts of every sippy cup we own.  You laugh but I’m serious.

Anyway, what were we talking about?  Oh yes, WFMW.  My tip involves the virtues of frozen milk.  When Sister was young she loved milk.  Actually she still does.  I didn’t worry if she picked at her food because I knew that she was sure to make up for it in milk.  Brother, on the other hand, is all about the juice.  You’ve perchance heard of the lemonade diet.  Well he’s on the same thing only with apple juice.  Getting him to drink milk is like pulling teeth. At least it was until I inadvertently froze a glass of milk the other day.  I was trying to chill it just a bit but got distracted and it ended up freezing all the way.  Anyway, I set the glass out to thaw and was poking at it with a fork when a brilliant (albeit slightly deceitful) idea occurred to me.

“Brother!”

“Yes, mama.”

“Would you like some ice cream?” (That was the deceitful part.)

“Sure.”

I sat and watched in amazement.  Wouldn’t you know that little turkey at almost the whole thing?  That definitely works for me.

I know, I know.  It’s not a very exciting picture.  Kind of lame really as far as pictures go but it is ’soft’.  I promise.  In case you hadn’t figured it out yet this is a bed.  More specifically it is my our bed.  And by ‘our’ bed I mean that each night it is occupied by Sister, Brother, Me & Will in that order from left to right.  It’s actually two queen size beds pushed together in what I call a mega-king configuration.  You see despite the fact that my children are 5 and 2 they still sleep with us and we are nothing if not practical.  Sleep is my one great indulgence - besides chocolate and internet shopping and …. okay, I have many great indulgences but sleep is one of them.  To that end on our bed frame sits a very expensive mattress with a very thick pillowtop covered by 1200 thread count sheets and two of the best snuggle up in a cocoon blankets EVER.  I have limited myself to two pillows but only because Will insisted that since he paid for the aforementioned very expensive bed the least I could do was make a little room for him in it.  Picky, picky.  Anyway, when you go to all this trouble to make such a nest you don’t really want to share it.  Especially not with munchkins who will kick their covers off before you can say, “sleep tight”, don’t use pillows at all, and occasionally sport the very attractive leaky diaper.  Still, one wants to be a good parent.  Some people say letting our kids sleep with us means that we are “soft” but I prefer to think we are instilling in them a sense of security - a knowledge that we care about them and that we want them near. They’ll grow up soon enough and want their own spaces.  For now I’ll keep them close AND have my sleep.

Did you play?