Go here.  Read this.  I pray that as my children grow they will grasp the essence of the faith as clearly as this young poet does.

Almost every weekend from Fall 1994 to Spring of ‘96, found me traveling home from college and back again. Those three hours of total drive time became a meeting place for me and God. Alone, without fear of what others might think, I found it easy to converse with my Creator. Many of those conversations turned to song. I would find myself praising His goodness and grace with lyrics I had never heard sung elsewhere. I always thought, “I should write this down when I get a chance.” But invariably the chance never came or if it did the words would be long gone having floated away with the melody.

Several weeks ago as I drove across town, contemplating the morning’s devotion, a song came unbidden to my lips. It had been so long since the Lord spoke to me in this way that I didn’t even consider stopping to write the words down. I simply basked in the marvel of the music. “Still,” I thought later, “it would be nice to have at least one of these songs written down.”

Fast forward a week or two. It is early and I am sitting in my devotion chair with my Bible opened and my notebook ready. But I am not reading. I am not praying. I am only reveling in the silence of our home and the blessed life I have been granted when the melody begins…

You made the heavens and the earth.

You gave the sun its birth.

And in the midst of all of this

You made me.

So small and insignificant

I feel like just a speck.

I feel so unimportant … and yet …

You came. You came.

You knew all of history and still You came

for the speck that I would be.

*

Rushing here, rushing there

Do I see you? Do I care?

My hope is in the car, the house, the things.

TV tells me I need x

and y and z and s and t and q.

Yet in the midst of all of this my heart cries

that all I need is You .

Please come. Please come.

I know I have forsaken Your way but

please come. Please come

and save the speck I am today.

*

Without You what do I have.

Nothing comes to mind.

You are hope and love and peace.

These things I’d like to find.

Please come.

For You I ask, I see, I knock

I hope You hear me pray.

It is You that I need -

the Truth, the Light, the Way.

And You come. You come

and You fill the speck I am today.

*

No longer lost, no longer small

for Your life fills my being.

My path is straight. The way is clear.

Praise from my soul doth ring.

You came. You came.

And now I’m walking with the King.

.

Merry Christmas!

This weekend Will’s little sis, K was in a play.  She is attending local performing arts classes and they finish each semester with a performance.  We hadn’t intended to go, as the going would involve a good bit of driving, but late Thursday night Sister turned her puppy dog eyes to Daddy and suddenly our plans changed.  It was decided that Will would take off early Friday so we could arrive in time but by then there were only Saturday night tickets available and our plans changed again.  Saturday found us traveling the turnpike west toward OKC (that’s Oklahoma City for you non-Okies).  This particular stretch of road is divided neatly into thirds by the quintessential American road stop… McDonald’s.  I would love to say McDonald’s is an establishment we avoid. Indeed before I had children I swore I would never take them there but … plans change. (It’s a running theme in my life.)  We had deftly avoided two of the golden arch stops and were almost past the third when Brother declares he needs his diaper changed.  A sudden odor in car confirms his statement and initiates a not so golden detour.

We exit at the last moment and park in a somewhat shady spot near a tree.  While I take care of Brother, Sister and Will go inside to get some drinks.  Interestingly, Brother does not need changed.  He’s not even wet.  I let him get out of the car and play in the shade while we wait.  Will and Sister return.  We are ready to get in the car when suddenly I feel sick to my stomach.  I go inside to use the restroom while the three of them sip on ice tea and take their turn at waiting.  When I get to the restroom I no longer feel sick - not even a little.  I puzzle over this as I wash my hands.  I am almost to the exit when I see Will and the children coming back inside.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting a refill.”

“You already drank that all of that?!”  (He got the largest size they had.)

“No.  I used it to put out the fire.”

“The fire?!”

“Yep and I think I deserve a free refill.”

A series of questions reveals that while my family was waiting for their not sick mother.  Sister spied a fire just beginning to grow in a bush near the building.  She alerted Will.

“Look dad, there’s a fire.”

Will scans the horizon looking for a grass fire.  “Where?” 

“There.”  Sister points.

“Oh, there!”

Using only his quick wits and beverage, Will calms the flames long enough for a volunteer fireman (who just happened to be out dining with his family) to come and finish the job.

We thought about it later.  In all the time we’ve ever lived in Oklahoma, in all the times (too many to count) we’ve ever traveled that road, we have never stopped at that particular place.  We wouldn’t have stopped that day except to change a boy that didn’t need changed and we wouldn’t have stuck around long enough for Sister to spot the flames except to wait for a mom who wasn’t sick.

“How can we understand the road we travel? It is the LORD who directs our steps.”

Proverbs 20:24 (New Living Translation)

The incident quickly became a memory when we arrived in OKC and were introduced to the grandparent’s new hot tub.  A quick bit of splashing and a simple steak dinner ( simple steak dinner - seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it?) were followed by one of the best junior productions of anything I’ve ever seen.  The children were enthralled and I found myself wishing my friend Leslie and her sweet daughter could have joined us for if anyone would appreciate Suessical it would be they.

After the curtain call and congratulations were over, Will and I packed up Brother in the car and headed back to Tulsa for the night.  Sister stayed for a slumber party and the promise of a visit to Sam Noble’s Museum of Natural HIstory. 

A good time was had by all.

I lied to someone today.  It wasn’t a white lie or simply a misunderstanding.  It was a bold, intentional, in your face LIE.  I did it right in front of my children and I am not really ashamed of that fact.  Actually, I’m just a bit proud of it because while I don’t want my children to lie I also don’t want their time wasted on bureaucratic run around just because of somebody’s “policy.” 

See, our bank - the small, hometown bank which we chose precisely because it was a small, hometown bank and not some monolith constantly under attack by hackers and identity thieves has decided on a merger; not with a monolith … it’s more like a monolith-in-training.  I say “in-training” because if the new bank really were one of the “big boys” we would not be getting a new account number or if we were getting a new account number we would not have to manually change all of our automatic bill pay information.  (Does anyone else see the inconsistency here?)  I know this to be true because hubby, being the stellar programmer that he is, commented on how if their system were designed correctly they would just flip a switch or a tag or something and all of our transactions would seamlessly flow from the old account to the new one without our changing a thing.  So that is one big benefit of monoliths.  Whatever the problem is, they have encountered it before and they have a system to overcome it, which is great …. usually.

This process of manually updating our bill pay info led me to call the customer service (That’s a euphamism, BTW.) of a particular credit card company which automatically drafts our bank account each month and in return gives us a stellar 0% interest rate. (Amazing what creditors will do when you tell them you’ve decided not to pay any more because their interest is outrageous… that’s another story though.)

“Hello, my name is Customer Service Rep #1.  How may I help you today? (This of course after the obligatory “mother’s maiden name”, “first dog’s favorite chew toy” and “teacher you had a crush on in H.S.” security interrogation)

“My bank is changing my account number and I need to update your automatic draft records to reflect the new number.”

“Oh, I’ll have to transfer you to the department that handles that.  Please hold.”

…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …..  (This is me holding.)

“Hello, my name is Customer Service Rep #2.  How may I help you today?

“My bank is changing my account number and I need to update your automatic draft records to reflect the new number.”

“Alright, I just need you to answer a few questions for security purposes.”

“Didn’t I already do this?” I’m thinking to myself.  “Fine,” I say.

First question:  “Who am I speaking with?”

“My name is Toni.”

“Can you tell me the name of the primary card holder?”

“Yes, that is my husband, Will”

“Can you answer 5 different security questions about Will?”

“Yes, I can”

“Thank you.  Now what would you like to do today?”

Insert image of a broken record here

“My bank is changing my account number and I need to update your automatic draft records to reflect the new number.”

“I’m sorry ma’am.  Only the primary cardholder is authorized to make bank changes on this account.”

First of all that would have been nice to know before I did my imitation of a dog at the circus and second,

“That doesn’t make any sense.  I’ve made changes before.”

“Those were non-bank changes.  You are authorized to make non-bank changes.”

“That’s absurd. Either I am authorized or I am not.”

“If you would just have your husband call and give you authorization we can process your request.

“But my husband HAS called to give me authorization!  He’s called on every account we have because he doesn’t have time to deal with this sort of thing.”

“Ma’am I can’t do anything until your husband calls and gives you authorization.

Sufficed to say from this point the conversation began to go in circles and the more it circled the more it began to resemble an ever downward spiral to nowhere.

“You know what, why don’t you let me speak to your supervisor?”

I would like to say that the spiral reversed once management got involved.  I would like to but I can’t.  It took several more rounds before I even figured out what the authorization glitch was.

“Blah, blah, blah.  If you had a joint bank account maybe we could do something but…”

“Wait! Stop right there!  This IS a joint bank account.”

“No ma’am it’s not.  Our records only show Will’s name on the account.”

“You’re telling me you have a check in front of you that only has Will’s name on it?  That’s impossible.”

“No ma’am I don’t have a check.  I can see in our system that it’s not a joint account.”

Sgt Supervisor was unwilling to admit that maybe, just maybe someone in her department had failed to get all of the information and that maybe, just maybe, I knew a little more about the status of my bank account than she did.  She refused to allow me to fax or email her one of my our checks for proof.  She refused to contact my bank or allow them to contact her and after several more circles, she refused to accept any more possible solutions.  At least that’s how I interpreted “Ma’am you are not our customer and I ….” yelled in my ear.  I don’t really know what else she said because I hung up.

I sat at my desk fuming at that the absurdity.  I wanted to give them money but their own systems prevented them from accepting it.  I know some of you are thinking, “Why didn’t you just have your husband call?”  Maybe I should have and maybe I would have if the last thing he’d said to me this morning hadn’t been, “I have a really, big meeting today with several VP’s from the UK.” which is his nice way of saying, “Today’s big so I’ll be completely out of pocket.  Don’t call the office.”

So, I sat at my desk until the anger began to wash out like the tide.  I could wait until Will got home and have him call then but I don’t take kindly to being yelled at and I don’t like having to deal with a mixture of stupidity and red tape and I don’t have three years of theatre training for nothing.

“Hello, my name is Customer Service Rep #3.  How may I help you today?

“My bank is changing my account number and I need to update your automatic draft records to reflect the new number.”

“Alright, I just need you to answer a few questions for security purposes.”

“Fine,” I say.

First question:  “Who am I speaking with?”

“My name is Will.”

Eventually, I got to the draft department and Customer Service Rep #4 who must have heard about the lovely conversation I had with her supervisor because early on in our security routine she asked,

“Is this really Will or is it Toni?”

I very belligerently replied that indeed I was Will and I resented her ridiculous question.  After that she proceeded to update my bank account.

“Will there be anything else today, Mrs. Mr. S.?”

“Yes actually,  I would like to authorize my wife to make any necessary changes to this account.”

“Yes… sir.”

Do I think I really tricked anybody?  No but somehow it was even more gratifying knowing I was found out and that they couldn’t do a thing about it.

“Mama, why did you pretend to be daddy?” Sister asked when the conversation was over.

“Because the people I was talking to are a special breed call time stealers and I am Daddy’s time protector so I put on a disguise to get them to leave Daddy alone.”

“Oh.”

Long live the time protectors! …. especially the ones walking about with our pants on fire.

This post was actually written last Thursday… I just wanted to be truthful about that.

I do.  Then something happens like it did today and I am reminded what an excellent listener He is.  He always listens.  Every hour of every day to every word that we speak and every thought that we don’t.

So what about today?  First a little background.  You know that we’ve moved to an apartment in a new town.  What you don’t know is that unlike many apartments there is no front office.  It’s just six units tucked above an old sporting goods store.  It’s also important to know that I am an avid internet shopper.  Doing cost analyis and feature comparisons in the middle of Sears with two under six’s in tow is not my idea of fun and it seriously hampers my ability to find a good deal so I purchase most of our inedibles in my pajamas and have them delivered to my door.

Moving to a smaller space meant that most of our old, “big” stuff either didn’t fit or wasn’t worth bringing and that initiated a series of purchases… to be delivered…. oh, no … problem … where exactly would these packages be delivered?  We are downtown so leaving a big box at the main entrance is out of the question and since I can’t be certain we’ll be home when these items arrive now; instead of looking forward to their coming; delivery time was a little worry in the back of my mind. 

And He heard it.

Today, I met our new FedEx man and I was delighted at the way my Father heard my unspoken request and filled it so serendipitously.  The delivery man’s name is Carl which I knew as soon as I saw him because he is the very same Carl that used to regularly deliver packages when I worked for my parents’ company.  I know him.  I trust him.  My packages are safe and my worry is gone because God listens.

If you have a chance to see this… DO IT!  Sister and I arrive half an hour early and we were in the nosebleed section.  Still, it was well worth our time.

The Covenant is an original dramatic presentation recounting the miraculous story of the People of Israel, spanning from the calling of Abraham until the estabilshment of the modern State.

Jew or Christian, it’s a powerful presentation that will remind you of God’s enduring faithfulness.

.

I stumbled across this post on the Proverbs 31 woman the other day and have been chewing on it ever since….especially the part about getting up early.  I used to be an early riser but all you mom’s out there know how hard it is to force yourself out of bed if everyone is FINALLY sleeping peacefully and there are no appointments or pressing engagements.  Why would you risk waking a sleeping babe by doing something as silly as moving?  I think God understands this and I believe he portions out an extra helping of grace to mothers of the very young.  He lovingly refreshes us in unexpected yet necessary ways.  Perhaps a friend calls with a word of encouragement or miracle of miracles the little one sleeps through the entire church service or a random stranger opens the door and smiles, “I remember when my children were young.  God bless you.”

But children grow and learn to sleep (mostly) and the habit of staying in bed transforms from necessity to indulgence.  At least it has for me and this week I felt the gentle nudge of my Creator at the edge of my dreams.  “Wake up.  Come talk with me.”  Finally obeying the voice in my heart, I wonder why I ever ignore His call.  For He reminded me that no matter how my day looms before me; no matter how many items are on my task list; time spent with Him is never wasted.  The day goes better when He starts it.  Tasks are easier when He helps.  Joy is found everywhere in His prescence.

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

                                                                                          Psalm 5:3

Maybe mornings aren’t the best time for you (There is no reason to be legalistic on this point.) but I encourage you find some time today and every day for a conversation with the Lord.  He’s got some great stuff to share with you.

About this time last week, Will announced that he would be going to Gate for the weekend to visit his Grandmother.  She is on the mend from some illness and he hadn’t visited in a while.  We talked about whether or not Sister should accompany him and decided against it.  We talked about whether or not it made sense for him to return home after work that day instead of just heading on out.  It didn’t.  Then I reminded him we had visitors coming for dinner (That’s dinner/supper not dinner/lunch just for clarification.) on Sunday so he must - absolutely must - be back by noon (not 1 or 2:15 or 3:21 but noon) that day because I would neeeeed help with some last minute preparations.  He agreed.  So last Friday morning, the children and I waved goodbye to Will for the weekend; secure in the knowledge that we would see him again… by noon… on Sunday.

***Skip ahead to around 7am Sunday morning.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”  (I don’t answer my phone this way for just anyone.  Like most people nowadays, I have caller ID.)

“Hey, baby, I just wanted to let you know I’m heading out the door….”

“Great!”

“…and the trip takes a little longer than I remembered so it’ll be more like one before I get there.”

(pause for the sound of harsh words being swallowed) “That’s okay.  We’ll see you then.”

***Skip ahead to around noon Sunday.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”

“Uhm, hey.”  (pause)  “I was thinking I better drop through to see my Dad for a little bit since it’s on the way and all.”

“Oh, so we won’t see you until what?  4?.”

“I’m hoping it won’t take that long.”

“Right.  We’ll see you around 4.”

“Thanks.”

I am not telling you all of this to embarass my husband or to supply you with yet another example of “male-ness.”  Quite the opposite really because what happened last weekend is not nearly so important as what happened during the week that followed.  You see life will happen.  Things will come up and regardless of how much you want your spouse to be perfect they will fail and you will have a choice.  Berate them for the dissappointment or smile and say, “that’s okay.”  I am not always so forgiving but this time I made the latter choice and for my trouble got an apologetic foot rub every night this week.  As a result, I am loving my husband now more than ever.

I can hear you out there, “But Toni, my husband would never do that.  He would just take advantage of my generosity.”  And my answer to that is, “How do you know?”  Have you ever really kept your mouth shut?  Or do you keep your words in while screaming at him in body language?  I’m not implying that this will be successful the first time you try it.  If you have been a nagging hag for many years it will take considerably longer to turn the tide of affection.  But it can be turned.  Your husband wants to provide for you.  He wants you to be happy.  But every time you choose to focus on his faults instead of prasing him for his contributions you push him further away from his goal.  Eventually he is so far away that he knows he can never please you and he gives up.

I don’t know who this post is for but I felt compelled to write it today.  Just as I feel compelled to share these words from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13)

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Don’t wait around for your spouse to make the first move.  Be patient, be kind.  Do not be easily angered.  Quit keeping score.  Learn to trust.  Learn to hope.  Persevere in this and you will have your marriage back again.

We had a lovely Easter holiday over here.  For starters we didn’t go to church.  That is to say we didn’t go today.  (I liken Easter Sunday crowds to the ones you find at the mall the day after Thanksgiving. It’s almost as if they are thinking, “okay, I have to do this thing and this is the best day for it so here we go.)  Instead we took Sister to see Victory Christian Center’s annual Easter production last night when the crowd was (relatively) small.  That is less than 500.  It was her first time to really experience a retelling of Christ’s crucifixion and she cried from His sentencing by Pilot until His death.  The drive home was full of questions as I’m sure there will be many more in the coming days.

So because we went to church last night, this morning was allowed to mosey along at its own pace.  We didn’t invite scads of people over like we have in the past.  Just family this year - which still means a lot of people but not so much stress.

Many thanks to Boo Mama who orchestrated dinner.  Okay she didn’t actually come over  - in fact other than being a frequent lurker of her blog I don’t know her at all but I do know a good recipe when I see it.  She recently recommended Asian Pork Tenderloin, Shrimp & Wild Rice Casserole & Green Beans Y’all Won’t Believe and because I’m lazy always looking for ways to make life simpler, I stole borrowed her dinner plans and made them my own.  Every dish was incredibly easy and tasty as well.  My Sister-In-Law baked fresh bread (”Yummo!” to quote Sister quoting Rachel Ray) and Aunt R. brought dessert. (double Yummo!)

After dinner we sent the five children present out to hunt for the over 100 eggs we had hidden earlier.  Some contained money but most had chocolate and it is for that reason I was grateful for the coolness of the day.  Digging sticky, gooey chocolate out of a plastic oval is not my idea of a good time. (Though the kids may disagree on that point.)

We let the kids go through their treasure while Will & I set up to dye eggs.  Usually we boil several dozen eggs and let the kids do as many as they can.  That always seems so wasteful to me because we never eat all those eggs. In fact many of them get broken in the frenzy.  This year, I boiled only enough for each child to have 3 (one white, one blue, & one brown) with a few extras for the adults.  Interestingly, the process was much more organized and the children were more deliberate in their choices. 

Instead of dozens of mottled gray/blue eggs they created really beautiful designs.  We used materials around the house instead of buying kits and we discovered that food coloring and vinegar make more vibrant colors than those little Paas tablets.  Rubber bands, stickers & plain white crayons enhance the design process and glitter is always a nice touch. 

About midway through the dyeing process, I decided to award prizes:

Then it was our turn: