In one of my first acting classes the professor assigned this improv exercise.  “You are going on a trip - a week long cruise.  Pantomime packing in a way that represents your personality.”  It seems I was the fifth or sixth student perform but I could have easily gone first.  I knew exactly what I would do for I had (up to that point) always packed for a trip in exactly the same way.  Sitting quietly for several minutes with a notepad close at hand I’d jot down a packing list.  Then, trusting the list as gospel, I’d pull out each outfit and miscellaneous item arranging them on my bed by expected day of use.  Once satisfied with the groupings I’d carefully pack everything into a bag and sit it by the door.  All of this would, of course, be done at least one if not two days ahead of the actual trip.  And I’d never - ever stay up late the night before. 

My, oh my, how things change.  Tomorrow Today we leave for our first real family vacation ever.  (We’re spending 3 days here.)  Of the four people going, I am responsible to pack for three of them yet there is no bag sitting patiently by the front door.  Instead between all the “Honey, can you…?”s and “Mama, I need…”s, I spent the day clearing out my inbox and the evening playing this game and this one too.  It will be just past midnight when I click the publish button but I am not worried.  I know things will turn out well because they always do and that’s the real change.  The young me that packed so systematically did so out of fear and worry and because she felt compelled to control every detail lest life try to move forward without her permission.  The now me accepts that life always moves forward and riding the flow is so much more enjoyable … not to mention more exciting.

In case you’ve been wondering what I’m doing with all my extra bloggy break time, which you probably haven’t, but just in case - I’ve been buying curriculum.  Yep, you heard it here first.  Toni’s children will now be scarred for life because she crumbled under the weight of tradition and purchased honest-to-goodness-complete-with-lesson-plans-and-actual-schedules curriculum.  It’s not really as bad as all that but given how avidly I’ve supported unschooling it feels as though someone should sew a big “T” on my shirt and call me Benedict just for mentioning the “C” word.

After much debate, we finally settled on this company.  I liked the idea that most of the material is simply gleaned from good books (very Charlotte Mason of them) and I like the fact that they offered a Newcomer package with materials and instructions pre-assembled since we are after all “newcomers”.

It came with these books and supplies,

this ginormous instructor’s guide

and a pamphlet containing the words “Don’t be alarmed.”  Riiight.

After everything was unpacked, Will took Sister out on an errand.

“Do you need anything,” he asked?

“Yes,” I replied. “Bring chocolate.  Lots of chocolate.”

The thing is I’ve always considered myself a perfectly competent teacher -  even a good one.  But as we pulled out book after book of “expert advice” I began to doubt my abilities and by the time all was said and done I even considered that perhaps my approach had been completely wrong.

But chocolate cures many ailments and once I got past the overwhelmed part it occurred to me that having curriculum doesn’t mean we must give up our unschooling ways.  School day or no, we will still go out and splash in puddles after an unexpected shower, take trips without a plan just to see where we end up and spend whole days in our pajamas sharing a good book.  This curriculum is a tool just like the library or the museum and like any tool it works for us - not the other way around.