Here’s something completely weird about me.  I’m a stay-at-home mom. (That’s not the weird part.) I take care of my kids and my man and my home. (Nope, not that either.)  I have no desire whatsoever to work in corporate America, own my own business or even be a work from home person.  (Wait for it.) I don’t even want to sell the crafty things I make on Etsy.  But (This is it.) I am fascinated by business books and business people.  I’ve devoured resources like The Art of the Start & 4-Hour Work Week and I faithfully read every post Seth Godin writes.  I’m not sure what it was about business writing that drew me in the first time but now I seek it out intentionally because even though the concepts seem far from stay-at-home mommydom I always walk away with something I can use.  Today, I am reminded about the idea of “exit strategy.”

At worst, an exit strategy will save face; at best, an exit strategy will peg a withdrawal to the achievement of an objective worth more than the cost of continued involvement  (Wikipedia)

An exit strategy is beneficial for big things (business deals, buying a house) but what struck me this morning is that it’s good for parenting too.

Take this scenario:  You’re going to a nice restaurant with some single friends.  You know little one is tired because s/he missed a nap.  What are you going to do if the tantrum of the year happens in the middle of dinner?  Or if munchkin simply becomes too squirmy to allow reasonable conversation to continue?  At what point will you say to your friends, “You know, this isn’t working.”?  Or will you?   Often we get caught up in the momentum of the moment.  It seems impossible to escape with any dignity so we just grin and bear it but a clear exit strategy can provide a graceful out of a stressful situation.

Imagine a slightly different scenario:  You’re going to a nice restaurant with friends.  As soon as the greetings are over, you explain that little one missed his/her nap today and you’re not certain whether you’ll get to stay for the whole dinner.  The server arrives.  You place your order and ask for a “to go” box at the same time.  Mid-meal when munchkin is just beginning to get out of hand you scoop what remains of your dish into the box, pull out some cash (which you got ahead of time) from your purse and kindly ask your friend to pay your portion of the check with it.  You and your grumpy baby are out the door within 5 minutes and your friends can continue to have a stress free meal.

So that’s an “out and about” example.  What about at home?  There are several pre-prepared phrases I use to diffuse various situations.  “I don’t know.” and “I was wrong.” top the list.  Fortunately, I discovered the truth of these two powerful statements early on in my parenting adventure.  The Bible says, “the truth will set you free.”  and that’s exactly what these simple words do.  Unfortunately, many parents are afraid to use them.  They are afraid (I guess.) that saying they don’t know or admitting they were wrong will weaken their image as authority figure.  Perhaps, but my experience is that my children respect me all the more for my weaknesses because it makes me seem (as I am) human.  They make me approachable.  They help put my children and I on the same side.

Closely following “I don’t know” and “I was wrong” are “I need to think about it.”, “Please explain what you need/want/meant.  I’m not sure I understand.” and “I’m too angry/upset/distracted to discuss this right now.”  All of these phrases can provide some breathing room in the midst of potentially volatile parental situations and I use them them frequently.  They are words of release.  Allowing my world to move away from gridlock and toward solutions.  They are my exit strategy.

*from The Gambler by Kenny Rogers