About this time last week, Will announced that he would be going to Gate for the weekend to visit his Grandmother.  She is on the mend from some illness and he hadn’t visited in a while.  We talked about whether or not Sister should accompany him and decided against it.  We talked about whether or not it made sense for him to return home after work that day instead of just heading on out.  It didn’t.  Then I reminded him we had visitors coming for dinner (That’s dinner/supper not dinner/lunch just for clarification.) on Sunday so he must - absolutely must - be back by noon (not 1 or 2:15 or 3:21 but noon) that day because I would neeeeed help with some last minute preparations.  He agreed.  So last Friday morning, the children and I waved goodbye to Will for the weekend; secure in the knowledge that we would see him again… by noon… on Sunday.

***Skip ahead to around 7am Sunday morning.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”  (I don’t answer my phone this way for just anyone.  Like most people nowadays, I have caller ID.)

“Hey, baby, I just wanted to let you know I’m heading out the door….”

“Great!”

“…and the trip takes a little longer than I remembered so it’ll be more like one before I get there.”

(pause for the sound of harsh words being swallowed) “That’s okay.  We’ll see you then.”

***Skip ahead to around noon Sunday.  The phone rings.

“Hello, love.”

“Uhm, hey.”  (pause)  “I was thinking I better drop through to see my Dad for a little bit since it’s on the way and all.”

“Oh, so we won’t see you until what?  4?.”

“I’m hoping it won’t take that long.”

“Right.  We’ll see you around 4.”

“Thanks.”

I am not telling you all of this to embarass my husband or to supply you with yet another example of “male-ness.”  Quite the opposite really because what happened last weekend is not nearly so important as what happened during the week that followed.  You see life will happen.  Things will come up and regardless of how much you want your spouse to be perfect they will fail and you will have a choice.  Berate them for the dissappointment or smile and say, “that’s okay.”  I am not always so forgiving but this time I made the latter choice and for my trouble got an apologetic foot rub every night this week.  As a result, I am loving my husband now more than ever.

I can hear you out there, “But Toni, my husband would never do that.  He would just take advantage of my generosity.”  And my answer to that is, “How do you know?”  Have you ever really kept your mouth shut?  Or do you keep your words in while screaming at him in body language?  I’m not implying that this will be successful the first time you try it.  If you have been a nagging hag for many years it will take considerably longer to turn the tide of affection.  But it can be turned.  Your husband wants to provide for you.  He wants you to be happy.  But every time you choose to focus on his faults instead of prasing him for his contributions you push him further away from his goal.  Eventually he is so far away that he knows he can never please you and he gives up.

I don’t know who this post is for but I felt compelled to write it today.  Just as I feel compelled to share these words from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13)

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Don’t wait around for your spouse to make the first move.  Be patient, be kind.  Do not be easily angered.  Quit keeping score.  Learn to trust.  Learn to hope.  Persevere in this and you will have your marriage back again.