For Birth-Day this week I want to take a look at one of my favorite birth books.  Birthing From Within by Pam England (CNM, MA) and Rob Horowitz (PhD) looks at childbirth education from a completely new perspective and for that reason is well worth your time.  The material is far from dry, filled with real birth stories from all points of the spectrum.   Today let’s look at an excerpt from the first chapter of Birthing From Within. 

Understanding birth technology shouldn’t lull you into thinking you understand birth.  The profound mystery and spirituality of birth can never be understood with the mind, they are known through the heart.  A good place to begin preparing is with your heart’s burning question.

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A Journalism student once asked me, ”If there is one thing a woman should know before going into labor, what would you say it would be?

….

After contemplating the journalist’s question, I finally responded, “For each woman, the most important thing she needs to know will be different.  I would encourage a mother to ask herself, ‘What is it I need to know to give birth?’  Her answer must be found within, not given to her by an expert.  Each mother needs to find her personal, heartfelt question.”

The journalist wasn’t sure she understood what I meant, so I asked her, “When you were expecting, what was it you needed to know to give birth?”

She thought a moment, and smiled as she remembered, “My question was ‘Am I strong enough to give birth?’ That’s what I worried about, that’s what I had to look into before I felt ready to give birth … and I did use that question to help me prepare mentally.”

Mothers wonder things like:

• “What kind of mother will I be?”
• “Can I ask for help if I need it?”
• “Can I trust my body and my judgement?”
• “What will people think of me if…?”

…..

Knowing your personal question is central to birth preparation.  Whatever your qestion is, leave no stone unturned:  ask your qestion often and look at it from every angle until your conscious mind is exhausted, and your heart is receptive to answers.

Don’t limit yourself to a superficial question like, “What should I expect…?”  If someone else can answer your question - you’re not going deep enough.  The answer will not come through intellectual pursuit; nor will you find it in a book (books can tell you about birth, but not about you).

Sometimes true understanding comes in a dream, when you’re gazing into a fire, writing in your journal, after a good cry, or when you finally give up!  Be patient:  sometimes the answer doesn’t surface until the throes of labor!”

With Sister my question was, “How can I maintain control of my pregnancy and birth?”  Those of you who know me will recognize that I possess a few control freak tendencies. (stop laughing - yes, it’s only a few - I’m working on it. )  To answer my question I read and attended classes and read and grilled my doctor and read and talked to other women and read.  I thought I was well prepared for every contingency but one day, I don’t remember when, my question abrubtly changed to “What if I can’t maintain control?”  And this was the right question for me because after I allowed myself to move past the fear I found my answer was “Okay.  So what if I can’t.”  From that point I decided to step back and watch labor unfold.  I decided to go with the flow.  My husband and my doula and my doctor all knew what I wanted out of my daughter’s birth so while they worked to support my choices I simply paid attention to my body and worked to give birth.

With Brother my question was, “How can I let go from the beginning?”  This time my question led me away from the hospital to a midwife and a wonderful homebirth. 

Your question will be equally unique and will help you discover your perfect birth.  I urge you to find it.

If you’ve had a baby or are pregnant now I’d love to hear what your questions were/are.  Did you find the answer?  Let me know in the comments.